


No Words

by Allamarain



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Classic Series Monster Mentioned, F/F, Internal Conflict, Kissing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-17
Updated: 2019-04-17
Packaged: 2020-01-15 11:47:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18498328
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Allamarain/pseuds/Allamarain
Summary: Yaz been smitten with the Doctor for…she wasn’t even sure how long. When they were together, she felt sheer joy, even when they were being attacked by aliens. When she was home, she thought of the Doctor all the time. But there was no way on Earth, or any planet, that a relationship with her was a possibility. She needed to say goodbye, before she fell any further.





	No Words

Yaz heard the familiar groan of the TARDIS as she stood outside her flat, and felt a knot in the pit of her stomach. She squared her shoulders and took a few deep breaths to calm herself. Today she was going to be the day. The day she told the Doctor she was done.

She’d been smitten with the Doctor for…she wasn’t even sure how long. When they were together, she felt sheer joy, even when they were being attacked by aliens. When she was home, she thought of the Doctor all the time. But there was no way on Earth, or any planet, that a relationship with her was a possibility. She needed to say goodbye, before she fell any further.

She willed her feet to move. _Come on, Khan, you can do this._ , she thought. She’d faced much scarier things, both as a police officer and traveling the universe. Why was this so difficult? 

She slowly started walking towards the TARDIS. To encourage herself, she thought of the reasons she had to leave:

One, the Doctor was an alien. Did she date humans? Was she capable of love? How would a relationship with an alien work? Did her species even have romantic relationships? She never mentioned one. 

Two, her family. Mum and Dad didn’t care what gender she dated, but they were highly suspicious of the Doctor. Her mum kept asking probing questions, and she’d done her best to deflect the answers. 

Three, her future. Before she’d met the strange woman on the train from Sheffield, she’d had her life planned out. She’d planned to rise through the ranks, perhaps become Chief Constable in a small town. Get married by 25. Two kids, a boy and a girl, by the time she was 30. Early retirement. Have a home in the country. Flying around space and time was amazing, but a part of her still wanted all those things. And there was zero chance of the Doctor going along with her plans. The longest she’d ever known the Doctor to stay in one place was the four days they’d spent on Tsuranga, and she’d been unconscious most of the time. 

Four, the Doctor was way out of her league. In addition to being incredibly gorgeous, she was clever, empathetic, kind, and courageous. She knew so much about everything, had seen so much. Compared to her, Yaz felt insignificant. 

She could tell the Doctor how she felt, but she knew she was setting herself up for disappointment. She doubted the Doctor felt that way about her. Sure, she was always pointing out interesting things to her, and gave her points and gold stars, but she did that with everyone, sometimes even complete strangers.

She found herself face to face with the blue police box doors. She took another deep breath, and knocked. 

The door opened, and the Time Lord greeted her with her usual amazing smile. “Yaz, hi! Have you seen Ryan and Graham?”

“Ryan texted me earlier. They should be here soon.” She tried to keep her voice steady.

“Great!” As Yaz stood in the doorway, the Doctor was nearly bouncing around the console room, telling her about the planet they were going to visit that day, stopping to press buttons and switches on the console. Yaz took in every move of her body, all the little facial expressions she loved. She was so entranced she didn’t even hear what the Doctor was saying.

“…and that’s why you should always check before you eat mushrooms, because they might bite you back.” The Doctor stopped and looked up at her, concerned. “Yaz, did you want to say something?” 

She tried to will herself to say she was leaving, but no words would come. 

“Ummm….no.” She stepped into the TARDIS and closed the door. _I can’t do it today. I just can’t. I need a little more time with her. Someday soon. But not today._

—  
It had been an exhausting trip. The planet the Doctor had taken them to ended up being the site of a skirmish between the Sontarans and the Rutan, and they’d spent most of the day avoiding being shot. The Doctor had managed to direct the battle away from the main population centers. She’d said with disgust they’d been fighting each other for millenia, and she’d never been able to stop them. Fighting was all they knew. Sometimes, she had said, the best she could do was save innocent lives.

They’d gathered in the TV room to watch a movie, though Graham had already gone to bed. The lights were all turned off, leaving the flickering screen as the only source of illumination. Yaz sat next to the Doctor on the couch, and Ryan was sprawled out in an armchair. She was only half paying attention to the movie, and instead sneaking glances at the Doctor.  
_She’s so beautiful._ , she thought. _How did I go for so long without seeing it?_ She imagined spending their lives together. Snuggling during movie nights. Lazy Sunday mornings drinking tea. Holidays to the seaside. She shook her head. _None of that is remotely possible._

Her thoughts were interrupted by a soft snoring. The Doctor elbowed her and pointed to Ryan with a grin. She looked over at him, whose head was back and eyes were closed, with his mouth hanging open. 

Yaz smirked. “We did have a long day.” she whispered.

“Are you tired?” the Doctor whispered back.

“A little.” She pressed up slightly next to the Doctor and closed her eyes. She wasn’t really that tired, but it was an excuse to be close to her. The Doctor had taken off her coat earlier, and Yaz could feel the warmth of her skin on her own. She savored the feeling.

And then she felt a shift next to her, and a soft pair of lips on her own. It took a moment for her to realize what was happening.

 _She’s kissing me_.

Her heart sped up, and her face flushed. So many thoughts ran through her head:

_I can’t believe this is happening._  
I can’t let this go any further.  
How am I going to explain this? To the guys? To my parents? 

But Yaz didn’t stop her. 

As she returned the kiss, and put her arms around the Doctor’s shoulders, only one thought remained in her mind:

 _I want this more than anything_. 

And there were no words, because she didn’t need them to express what the Doctor meant to her.


End file.
